Thursday, May 28, 2009

I must be doing something right.

I really must be doing something right. What do you mean? I must be doing something right to make the devil fight me so hard. It seems Lucifer is really trying hard to destroy us, to burden us down. I admit, I have faulted from time to time. I have gave him a little bit of help on that. But still, I have to be doing something right or he wouldn't care so much. I feel like our family has been pulled down and drug through the mud. It isn't serious stuff...We are all here and healthy. It is just stupid stuff. Of course, this all started with our business that went out of business, a bad accountant, and stupid decisions. We thought my husband's new job would be the answer, but his pay is now cut and he only works four days a week now. That is down from six days a week. We also owe a huge debt to the IRS. They started garnishing our paydays, HEAVILY. We have finally, hopefully got that straightened out. We filed bankruptcy. OUCH. Still have to pay IRS of course and our house payment. I burned part of our car with a spotlight that was left on. My dad gave us his van because he got a new one. The transmission went out and it will cost around $2000 to fix it. I have my OB follow up tomorrow. About two and a half months late but oh well. I have no way to get there. My husbands truck, a stick shift, will not hold us all and my MIL is sick and can't keep the kids. There is also so much in between like our grass growing up to my shoulders because our mower was broken and we couldn't get the part to fix it.

I know this is a pity party post for me. I will probably delete it later. I just needed to get it all out. To say it. To release it. I do feel blessed with my children, my husband, and my family. I am BLESSED. It is just sometimes this world will try so hard to break you, to cause you to fail, to cause you to turn away from what is right and true. Sometimes we need to release all that we carry. We need to give it all to God. Sometimes we need to just keep on moving. Doing the next thing, and the next, and the next. Sometimes we just need to be, to be still, to be silent, to be God's little child. To wait and listen for our Father to lead us and to guide us.

I know I am not alone. I know other families out there are hurting and that just makes me hurt more. Perhaps this is just a test. Perhaps He needs to mold and shape us for these end times. Maybe, we need to be stripped of everything. To be brought down and humbled. Maybe that is the only way we will truly listen to God. The only way we really full rely on God.

I do know that these stories are the kind of stories you tell your grand kids. Stories passed on of struggle, trials, and rejoicing. It will define who we are. My kids and grand kids will have wisdom because of the things my husband and I have endured. They will learn to lean on the Lord. They will learn to surrender to Him. They will learn that sometimes you cry but you must pray and keep on going. You can't let IT beat you.

2 comments:

Valencia Jones-Edwards said...

You are so right. If the devil isn't after you, then you need to check your walk with God. Because he probably ahs no reason to...lol I'm right there with you and I know how you fell. I'm launching a full out war plan of attack to regain God's purpose for my life. I'm working on a post called discipline and it gives an overview of my areas to work on. Be blessed my sister in Christ!

Tara said...

Dusty, leave it alone. Put it at the foot of the cross. I feel you are being tested, and in return you just need to rely more on him. God allows us to go through these trials so that we become stronger and more dependant on him. Stand strong in his word and he will bring you through. His word tells us that there will be tests and trials to test your faith in him. Start praising him for everything, good and bad, just glorify him and he will pull you through. Dusty, we have gone through the same thing here. A year ago we didnt even have money to buy groceries, Delana and greg provided food for our family. But you know why they did? I didnt tell her we needed it, We prayed for God to send us groceries to provide nourishment for our children, and we lifted him on high for going through that time in our life. We are not perfect at all, but we knew there was something in our life we we not doing right. That is when we started praising him and glorifying his name for every situation, good or bad. HE KNOWS your needs and desires, just GLORIFY HIS NAME!!! These trials that you all are going through will make you a stronger family. We love you all!!!!